Zzzzzz

I'm fucking tired. I've had a headache since yesterday. Today I've been getting more applications. I got a lot of them, so I'll return them tomorrow. I hate filling out applications. When I fill out an application I continually envision the employer glancing over it and then tossing it aside. I also struggle with various fields that I'm not certain how to answer.

So I'm tired and I have a headache. I'm not cut out for this. I don't think I'm cut out for much. I'm simply depressed now. I can't let myself get depressed. I have to think of Misaki. I don't have any strong feelings for the character, but she's symbolic for my goals. Misaki also reminds me that no one is going to show up at my doorstep to help me out--I have to do it myself.

Maybe I don't actually care. Maybe nothing is important to me. I feel numb and can't tell. Would I regret it if I gave up? No, I wouldn't regret it. I would like to believe that certain things would make me happy. I wouldn't mind forfeiting them even if I knew it for certain.

I doubt that society cares about me. What is my happiness to anyone else? I'm not an island; my success lies in the hands of others. How easily may I be ostracized? I don't think I'm asking for anything unreasonable. I want to support myself and pursue my goals. Those who I depend on seem satisfied to ignore me. Maybe this is simply misanthropic paranoia. I hope that it is.